Welcome (back) to Table for One,

There’s a few more of you receiving this newsletter in your inboxes this week (thank you for subscribing, I’m honoured) so I wanted to share some thoughts on spending time alone. Specifically, the limbo. Not the back-breaking party game, though actually a few weeks ago I received some fairly intensive bruises from limbo-ing arguably too successfully at a party. Thankfully there are no pictures, and even if there were I wouldn’t share them, but I am thrilled that at least some of the flexibility I had in my early twenties decided to stick around. Anyway, the limbo I want to talk about is that of in-betweenness, the space between here and there, this and that. Sometimes a space for transformation, often a space for reflection. And reflect I shall.

I’ve spent most of the last 2 weeks on my own thanks to the intermediate period of old flatmates moving out and new flatmates moving in. I spend a lot of time on my own anyway but this felt slightly different. With the transition from summer to autumn upon us (another limbo that honestly I’m thrilled about) my calendar has been slightly less busy meaning and add to this to a job in which I work entirely alone, most often from my own home, and suddenly additional aloneness can feel overwhelming. Not because I feel lonely either. Though the two are often conflated, being alone is not the same as being lonely. So this isn’t about a feeling of loneliness, but a state of being with no one else for an amount of time.

Every time this happens the same predicament presents itself to me; to plan or not to plan. As a fairly sociable person the thought of having no solid plans is daunting, and yet when I am jam packed with socialising I crave moments of calm solitude. An unsatisfactory standoff that usually leads to some level of regret- if I make plans I end up wishing I’d taken the time to rest, and if I don’t I find myself restless with some sort of fomo (it’s a problem I know).

I find that often the initial stages of spending time alone happen to you, in that you may not have initially chosen to spend a prolonged period of time by yourself (think unexpected break ups, housing changes, cancelled plans or global pandemics perhaps) and therefore feel uncomfortable in that space. But as time goes on I certainly find that the more time I spend alone the more I need time to be alone. Ironically in this case, the need has come at the end of the limbo, just before the calendar gets busy again and the choice of being alone isn’t presented as frequently. C’est la vie, as the French say.

Spending time alone is powerful. It isn’t always comfortable, but that’s ok. They say you don’t grow in the confines of your comfort zone and whilst I don’t think that’s exactly true, being uncomfortable and being alone give me an opportunity to think about what I want, what I enjoy, and how to make myself more comfortable in my own time. I also don’t think that growth has the be the goal. You don’t constantly have to be evolving, it’s just about being content with your own company.

As a society I feel we are slightly obsessed with dichotomies and I’ve found this especially obvious when it comes to doing things by/for yourself. If you are doing things alone then it is for the sole reason that you have no one else to do them with. That you may have actively chosen to be alone for an amount of time doesn’t seem to be a consideration. While that may be true some of the time, I think we overlook the fact that being alone can be a choice and at least in my case, becomes a choice more and more often. You can be in a relationship, have a family, flatmates or many many friends and still choose to spend time by yourself.

And so at the end of this limbo I have a couple of reflections:

1. I need time alone. I love it. It makes me a calmer, more patient, present version of myself.
2. I want to not only spend time alone but actively enjoy that time, especially when I’m doing nothing. Taking myself on a date is easy enough as there’s often a doing involved, but just being alone is a challenge I want to fully embrace.
3. Time alone is a luxury not afforded to everyone. There will be many 20-something year old women throughout history that never had the luxury of a weekend to themselves with the need to do, or to care for. How lucky am I that I get this choice.

My final thoughts are this:

Having this time to myself happened because of a limbo but being alone isn’t the limbo itself. Being alone isn’t a state of in-betweenness, it is full and complete time in itself. I’m not spending time by myself whilst I wait for others to join, or for the limbo to end. The limbo presented the reminder that I want to make time to be alone. Whether that be a walk in the park, a film in bed, reading, running, sitting, lying, travelling or something in between. It’s a wonderful privilege and one I am immensely grateful to have.

If you find yourself in your own company I’d love to know how you feel, what you do and whether you enjoy it.

I’d also like to let you know about last week’s meal plan for one. Not only 5 one pot one portion recipes with similar ingredients, but a shopping list, tips for leftovers and ingredient alternatives for dietary requirements. Have a look, and I hope you find it helpful.

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BIG LOVE, AND HAPPY COOKING! Eleanor x